How To Be Interesting on Messages: 4 Tips From A Dating Coach

How To Be Interesting on Messages: 4 Tips From A Dating Coach

If there’s one dating skill that you need to master in 2020, it’s how to write messages that are attractive and interesting. 

You want to be the person who makes someone smile when your name flashes up on their screen. 

You don’t want to get left on read, or archived to oblivion, for sending too many boring messages. 

Boring really is at the crux of why some messages don’t get a response. Creating messages that make someone want to invest (that’s emotionally, not cash money people!) have never been more important. 

interesting in dating messages

Boring really is at the crux of why some messages don’t get a response. Creating messages that make someone want to invest (that’s emotionally, not cash money people!) have never been more important. 

We all know that 2020 hasn’t been the easiest year, especially in our love lives. With lockdown upon us, some of the usual channels to meet people in real life have vanished, meaning you may be using online dating more than ever before. The good news is, a lot of other people are too. 

Online dating is booming. Now Hey Saturday can help you look good in your dating profile photos, however once you start getting those matches, you really want to work on maintaining someone’s interest with good messages that lead to dates. 

(Or at least video dates, thanks C19!)

If you can start to create a messaging style that’s more playful and fun, you will also have the dual benefit of finding online dating less of a chore, and more energising. 

So let’s take a look at 4 ways you can make your messages more interesting to read and receive. 

interesting in dating messages

Don’t ask how their dating life is going 

No one ever, ever needs to hear the question, ‘So how’s the dating going?’ ever again. Apart from being repetitive, it also shines a big awkward light on the question, ‘So why are you single?’ This is a messaging mistake you’d do well to avoid. 

Don’t ask people how they’re finding the app, how their dating is going during covid, and how long they’ve been single for. Broach these topics in person where you can nuance how you phrase things, rather than going for this sledgehammer of a first message. 

And whilst we’re on this topic, I’d also avoid asking how many other people they’re messaging. In 2020, on dating apps, it’s safe to assume everyone is messaging quite a few people. This is okay. 

Asking about how many people someone’s messaging, before you’ve met in real life (or even had a video date) will come across as insecure so park that message too. 

Do create a unique message structure 

At the risk of sounding a bit like a school English lesson, the structure of your messages makes a difference as to how exciting they seem when they’re received. 

Let me explain this a bit!

If you begin your message, “Hey (name) how’s your week going…” right from the get-go you’re presenting yourself just like everyone else: and if there’s one rule for online dating it’s be different! 

Instead you want to shuffle the order in which you present information, and start with the best piece of information you can glean from their profile. For instance, if you’re an avid yoga fan, and see they are too, zoom in on the piece of information and let that become the start of your message: 

“Yoga! I really like that too…”

Go right into the fun part of your message.

Don’t be TL:DR 

Too long didn’t read. 

Sometimes, when we really want to express our interest in someone, we can end up sending long messages to show that we are sincerely interested and to provide some back story about ourselves. 

However, in the rapid fire world of online dating this can seem like too much interest too early on. Just like if you were to ask someone out on the first message you send them, you could be inadvertently telegraphing, “you don’t have to do anything to win me over, it’s already a yes from me…” 

And someone should ALWAYS have to win you over. You never want to choose to invest your time and energy in someone because of their looks. 

So keep your opening message to a low pressure 2-3 lines and then wait for their response. If they come back to you, then you can build things up from there, and if they don’t you can save your effort and move on. 

interesting dating messages

Do choose a unique detail from their profile to comment on 

A big part of being successful at online dating, is just being different. So when you’re scanning someone’s profile trying to work out what’s the best first message to send them, gravitate towards a unique detail. 

Unique details are usually where someone expresses themselves in a turn of phrase, or says something unusual about themselves. Let’s imagine someone wrote a profile like this:

A ball of energy! I like travel, reading, and a good excuse to escape the city! 

Here the not so good details to latch on to would be ‘travel’ and ‘reading’, because they’re very common things people like. The better parts of this profile to comment are in fact the bit where they say, ‘ball of energy’ (keep it clean folks!) and ‘a good excuse’. 

Both of these parts of the profile show more originality: maybe you could think of a good excuse for them to leave town, or ask if their ball of energy is more sunshine or nuclear hazard, either way you’ll be steering the conversation into a more interesting direction. 

And remember by keeping your messages interesting you’re not only giving yourself the best opportunity to capture their interest, you’re also making sure that online dating becomes fun for you too. 

Hayley Quinn is a dating coach based in London

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
dating app profile

Dating profiles have the potential to be intriguing; they can be a window into someone’s mind, revealing their unique way of looking at & thinking about the world.

Make sure you grab that opportunity to show people what you’re about & what you’re made of 🔥🔥

And remember, your profile pics are the most powerful way to share a lot of information about you at just a glance.

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlewomen #singlemen #onlinedatingapps #datingphotos #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
#datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #dating app #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #profilephotography #visualstorytelling
...

9 0

+ Sound on for dating photo tips & good times +

Huge shout out to the legend that is James Preece, the UK dating coach king. Thank you for having me on your show, @jamespreececoach. I had a great time sharing my top dating photo tips with you, which I’m pretty sure you can tell when you listen in.

Have you subscribed to the Love Machine Podcast yet?

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlemen #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
#datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #profilephotography #visualstorytelling #podcast #datingapps #podcastepisode #newpodcastepisode
...

30 4

You know what I love doing when I have a few moments to myself? … I love navigating to our Story highlights & scrolling through ‘Our Pics’. It gives me a legal, natural high every time.

The colour, the personalities, the vibes, the diverse life styles, the passions, the people… so much dating photoshoot awesomeness in one hit 🙌🏽✨🤩

onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
#datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #dating app #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #profilephotography #visualstorytelling
...

44 3

We need to talk about ‘talking point’ pics. Talking point pics are the ones that make people stop and do a double take, go back for another look and, yeah, slide into your messages because they need to know more.

Maybe you’re practicing tai chi, playing a ukulele, creating a stunning art piece on your iPad, doing a headstand yoga pose in the street or wrapping your hands ready for boxing (all shots we’ve taken, that have made me go back for another look 👀 check our Stories today!). Shots like these are so compelling.

Look, 5-6 photos at any one time on your dating app profile is optimum. Too few, people think you’re hiding something, too many & it’s game over as you give them too much to find fault with.

So you’ve got just 5-6 opportunities to
+ make an emotional impact
+ visually tell your story
+ and… also, importantly, intrigue people enough to reach out and ask you something or connect with you about something they see 👀

// Each one of your dating profile photos needs to bring something to the party //

So take a moment to check out your profile pics now. Which one is your ‘talking point’ pic? Answers on a postcard or in the comments, I really want to know…

And a big shout out goes out to the client I’ve been chatting with this week who’s booked Dumbo. You know who you are. You have so many exciting ideas for your shoot, I think you’re going to have a few ‘talking point’ pics to choose from 🙌🏽 And I’m so glad our Insta feed has helped you prep for your shoot. That makes me very happy.

*Tai chi photo: Kate for Hey Saturday, London

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
#datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #dating app #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #profilephotography #visualstorytelling
...

50 5

New here? Come in, look around, stay awhile. We're creating our own brand of dating photo magic, right here. J'adoring these shots taken in Shoreditch by our London photographer, Nicole.

Photo credit: Nicole for Hey Saturday, London

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
#datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #dating app #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #profilephotography #visualstorytelling
...

37 10

The only mantra you’ll ever need before your dating photoshoot
+ Be bold, kill boring, do ‘you’, stand out +

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
#datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #dating app #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #profilephotography #visualstorytelling
...

52 8

The more self-work you do now, the more amazing your next relationship will be.

It’ll be so worth it 🔥

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
#datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #dating app #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #profilephotography #visualstorytelling
...

67 2

Do your dating profile pics look the same as everyone else’s? You’re pretty sure you’ve read the right blog posts and followed all the steps but actually your photos still aren’t making people walk straight into lamp posts or miss their stop on the last bus home.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes at the end of a long day, I just crave seeing something that makes me smile, makes me feel good, you know… that ‘happy to be alive’ kind of good.

Picture it… you’ve just been on a rubbish date and are feeling disillusioned on the bus home so you decide to jump back on the app to line up another one before you lose the will.

Now imagine, at this point, you spot a profile pic that fills you with joy. There’s just something about it that makes you smile or makes you feel excited or just glad to be alive again.

Now that… that’s the exact profile, you’re immediately going to swipe right on… damn!

Nothing else matters in that moment. You want more of whoever can make you feel that good in that moment.

But how can you create dating pictures like this? The best way to create photos like that is to actually ‘feel this way’ when you’re making the picture. Bring this energy and vibe to the photoshoot. Bring props that will make you feel happy or relive happy moments during the shoot. Do things, hold things, wear things, go places that make you feel that kind of happy… and it will translate into your profile pictures.

It’s so important to figure out what you’re into and what makes you feel good before your photoshoot and before dating so that you show up and attract more of this energy into your life.

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
#datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #dating app #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #profilephotography #visualstorytelling
...

33 1

Great online dating photographers are focused on human experience, rather than the size of our lenses.

Yeah… I’d go as far to say, we view our photoshoots as an emotional journey with a physical output more than anything else.

We want to help you let people in and get a better sense of who you are… the real you, of course, (in reply to a comment I got yesterday), if your photos are going to be meaningful, in any way.

When you can bring your whole self to the shoot, it’s kind of magic, really. When you can craft images that tell stories about who you are, it’s powerful and empowering, because when stories are told, meaning is made.

#selfacceptance #datingphotographer #onlinedatingtips #onlinedatingphotographer #onlinedatingphotos #profilepictures #profilepics #datingapps #tinderphotographer #datingphotoshoot #datingphototips #datingphotographer #datingphotography #datingphotographerlosangeles #datingphotographerlondon #mindset #visualstorytelling #storytelling
...

57 12

How you show up for your profile pictures matters. The energy you show up with for your photoshoot, is the same energy that online daters can see and feel when they look at your profile pictures.

And yes, you can absolutely see and feel energy in pictures. You can see if someone is happy, dejected or confident, for example.

Confidence is energy. It’s not a ‘trait’ that you either are or aren’t, it’s a state. Like happiness, sadness & joy, it’s an energy you can tap into.

To create the most attractive and magnetic profile pictures, tap into the energy you want to see in your photos.

But how?

Get excited about how these profile pictures are going to open up doors, connect you to all kinds of interesting people, potentially lead to something so good, it’s life-changing.

Harness these positive kind of thoughts and embody them through your breathing, through smiling and laughing, through your body language. You know how smiling makes you feel happy and standing in a power pose makes you feel more confident? Yes 🙌🏽 that.

Your body language in your pictures communicates a lot about your energy and vibe.

Include things you really love in your photoshoot. You might wear something you love, go somewhere you love, hold something you love or, even better, get in flow and do something you love.

Including things that spark joy will impact your body language and your whole vibe.

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
#datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #dating app #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #profilephotography #visualstorytelling
...

50 9

Hey go-getters, thrill-seekers, online daters... have you checked out the podcast Dates & Mates yet? If you’re single and craving connection in a digitally-driven world, then head to Apple podcasts and hit subscribe.

This show is seriously guaranteed to give you more fun than your ex. And boy, what a show. The host Damona Hoffman, already one of the coolest humans on the planet, is now also the Official Love Expert of the Drew Barrymore Show ✨ as well an advice columnist for The Washington Post & much more.

I’ll admit I was a bit of a hot mess as a guest on her show but it was ace to be included on her latest episode. I share how to do online dating photos right and magnetise the best matches to you.

And don’t forget to hit subscribe, there are soooo many good episodes you’re going to wanna work your way through.

#podcast #datesandmates
#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
#datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #profilephotography #visualstorytelling
...

66 3

You are as hot as you think you are.

I love this.

When I was told this, back when I was online dating, I have to say it was a bit of a game changer. Your first instinct is to think, ‘Wait, what?’.

But then I thought back to people I’d met in my (very) long and varied dating life... and how my first impressions of their attractiveness could wildly change as soon as I started engaging with them.

That’s because I was seeing them as they see themselves.

Self-love levels the playing field. You don’t have to be the hottest person in the room to be the hottest person in the room... you just have to THINK you are.

Wow, I love that. It means being attractive, magnetic, desired is within all of us. We just gotta dig deep and love ourselves. No way round it.

Your vibe reflects the way you see yourself and cues others to respond accordingly.

I’m just getting into the Law of Attraction and figuring out how to raise my vibrations, which builds on this. And it’s so relevant to dating, I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna be sharing my learnings on here soon.

Anyone got any recommendations of people I can follow who are talking about vibrating higher? Please share 🙏🏽

I’m ready to vibe higher. Are you?

#selflove #onlinedating #datingapps #datenight #datingphotos #loveyourself #foreverguy #relationshipgoals #datingphotographer #portraits #goodtimes #tbt #lawofattraction #wellbeing #purpose #entrepreneur #startup #personalbrand #womeninbusiness #boss #selflovefightclub #creative #creativepreneur #mindset #attractive #gorgeous #vibratehigher #authenticdating #experimentaldating
...

105 21

Your dating app profile ain’t the place to blend in. I know we all want to belong and fit in. But... this isn’t the time.

So many profiles are literally copy cats of each other. It’s sooo boring. Especially given the fact we’re all so different & amazing once you get to know us.

Take a risk. Reveal something meaningful about yourself in your profile. Write down all the things that make you stand out from others and then choose a couple of those to reveal in your profile photos.

People are gonna stare.
Make it worth their while.

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
#datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #dating app #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #profilephotography #visualstorytelling
...

69 12

This message makes my heart do little backflips. I love that this client felt seen by Nicole and was able to express her best self.

And I love that she took the time to share her gratitude with me and Nicole.

I have a strong feeling that when this client finds love, it’s going to be pretty special.

💛 Very exciting 💛

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
#datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #dating app #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #profilephotography #visualstorytelling
...

34 0

I’m sharing my face because we have a bunch of new followers, yay hi there, and also because my jumper is very on brand and that’s kind of what I wanted to talk about today.

In your profile pics, your clothes are saying a lot more about you than you might think.

Our clothes are telling people a lot about our lifestyle, our social status, our personality and our vibe ... oh yeah and in my case, my job!

So what do you want your clothes to say about you? That you’re cool, confident, nerdish, feminine, comfortable, stylish, independent, fashionable, glam, extrovert, etc?

By choosing your clothes with intention, you can reveal elements of your personality that might otherwise not come across easily in your pictures.

And our clothes choices actually have more power than we think.

The psychologist, Dr Jennifer Baumgartner (a total expert on this stuff), says,

‘You can use your wardrobe to change how other people perceive you, and even more importantly - how you see yourself’.

I’ve shared that before but I love it so much. This is that moment when the outfit you put on makes you feel invincible & unstoppable. Perfect for a photoshoot or some first date action.

Lots of photoshoots coming up this bank holiday weekend, so this is your reminder to prep your outfits with intention.

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #single and searching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
#datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #dating app #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #profilephotography #visualstorytelling
...

171 29

This is big-ass Hey Saturday energy right here...

‘Shoot your shot’ is:

🎯 to let go of your pride & pursue someone you’re into;

🎯 to be brave & have the audacity to do something that might be embarrassing;

🎯 to do, say or claim a thing that is potentially outside of your range of abilities.

This is the kinda energy that works so well on dating photoshoots & online dating.

People out there, living their best lives, willing to shoot their shot.

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
#datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #dating app #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #profilephotography #visualstorytelling
...

43 9