How To Be Interesting on Messages: 4 Tips From A Dating Coach

How To Be Interesting on Messages: 4 Tips From A Dating Coach

If there’s one dating skill that you need to master in 2020, it’s how to write messages that are attractive and interesting. 

You want to be the person who makes someone smile when your name flashes up on their screen. 

You don’t want to get left on read, or archived to oblivion, for sending too many boring messages. 

Boring really is at the crux of why some messages don’t get a response. Creating messages that make someone want to invest (that’s emotionally, not cash money people!) have never been more important. 

interesting in dating messages

Boring really is at the crux of why some messages don’t get a response. Creating messages that make someone want to invest (that’s emotionally, not cash money people!) have never been more important. 

We all know that 2020 hasn’t been the easiest year, especially in our love lives. With lockdown upon us, some of the usual channels to meet people in real life have vanished, meaning you may be using online dating more than ever before. The good news is, a lot of other people are too. 

Online dating is booming. Now Hey Saturday can help you look good in your dating profile photos, however once you start getting those matches, you really want to work on maintaining someone’s interest with good messages that lead to dates. 

(Or at least video dates, thanks C19!)

If you can start to create a messaging style that’s more playful and fun, you will also have the dual benefit of finding online dating less of a chore, and more energising. 

So let’s take a look at 4 ways you can make your messages more interesting to read and receive. 

interesting in dating messages

Don’t ask how their dating life is going 

No one ever, ever needs to hear the question, ‘So how’s the dating going?’ ever again. Apart from being repetitive, it also shines a big awkward light on the question, ‘So why are you single?’ This is a messaging mistake you’d do well to avoid. 

Don’t ask people how they’re finding the app, how their dating is going during covid, and how long they’ve been single for. Broach these topics in person where you can nuance how you phrase things, rather than going for this sledgehammer of a first message. 

And whilst we’re on this topic, I’d also avoid asking how many other people they’re messaging. In 2020, on dating apps, it’s safe to assume everyone is messaging quite a few people. This is okay. 

Asking about how many people someone’s messaging, before you’ve met in real life (or even had a video date) will come across as insecure so park that message too. 

Do create a unique message structure 

At the risk of sounding a bit like a school English lesson, the structure of your messages makes a difference as to how exciting they seem when they’re received. 

Let me explain this a bit!

If you begin your message, “Hey (name) how’s your week going…” right from the get-go you’re presenting yourself just like everyone else: and if there’s one rule for online dating it’s be different! 

Instead you want to shuffle the order in which you present information, and start with the best piece of information you can glean from their profile. For instance, if you’re an avid yoga fan, and see they are too, zoom in on the piece of information and let that become the start of your message: 

“Yoga! I really like that too…”

Go right into the fun part of your message.

Don’t be TL:DR 

Too long didn’t read. 

Sometimes, when we really want to express our interest in someone, we can end up sending long messages to show that we are sincerely interested and to provide some back story about ourselves. 

However, in the rapid fire world of online dating this can seem like too much interest too early on. Just like if you were to ask someone out on the first message you send them, you could be inadvertently telegraphing, “you don’t have to do anything to win me over, it’s already a yes from me…” 

And someone should ALWAYS have to win you over. You never want to choose to invest your time and energy in someone because of their looks. 

So keep your opening message to a low pressure 2-3 lines and then wait for their response. If they come back to you, then you can build things up from there, and if they don’t you can save your effort and move on. 

interesting dating messages

Do choose a unique detail from their profile to comment on 

A big part of being successful at online dating, is just being different. So when you’re scanning someone’s profile trying to work out what’s the best first message to send them, gravitate towards a unique detail. 

Unique details are usually where someone expresses themselves in a turn of phrase, or says something unusual about themselves. Let’s imagine someone wrote a profile like this:

A ball of energy! I like travel, reading, and a good excuse to escape the city! 

Here the not so good details to latch on to would be ‘travel’ and ‘reading’, because they’re very common things people like. The better parts of this profile to comment are in fact the bit where they say, ‘ball of energy’ (keep it clean folks!) and ‘a good excuse’. 

Both of these parts of the profile show more originality: maybe you could think of a good excuse for them to leave town, or ask if their ball of energy is more sunshine or nuclear hazard, either way you’ll be steering the conversation into a more interesting direction. 

And remember by keeping your messages interesting you’re not only giving yourself the best opportunity to capture their interest, you’re also making sure that online dating becomes fun for you too. 

Hayley Quinn is a dating coach based in London

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dating app profile

So yeah, I did a thing… Hey Saturday now has a podcast mini series, ‘Shoot Your Shot - The Art of Dating Profile Pictures’, for all your dating profile photo needs in one place 🎧✨

Press play on this show for jam-packed mini episodes that will inspire you to experiment, have fun and aim higher when creating your profile pictures for online dating apps.

I share my top mindset shifts and practical steps you can take to create dating profile photos that are both visually and emotionally compelling, to help you attract more and better quality matches on dating apps.

This podcast is for people with a short attention-span but a big vision for their love lives 🙌🏽

Link in bio 👀
Hosted by me, Saskia
Podcast logo and art by the incredible @teadayblogs from Coppie and Paste
Produced by that cutie @northernmunki
Podcast music by me @saskia_nelson in conjunction with GrooveApp (who did most of the heavy lifting to be fair)

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I was invited on @unhingedandbumbledup podcast the other day & it was probably the most fun I’ve had recording a podcast.

Ahead of the show, I had to give them both a dating photo challenge and they presented the photos they created to me during the show.

Tune into to see who does it better, Phil or Jane. It was a super close competition to be honest… but there was a clear winner 👏🏽👏🏽

I also shared

• What makes an awesome dating profile pic
• Why good photos are so important
• My 4 top favourite date spots around the globe (I just couldn’t choose one) and much more…

Have you subscribed to this chatty, fun show that shares experiences and opinions on how to navigate the tricky world of dating to come out on top?

Thanks for having me Phil & Jane 🙏🏽

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…how would you show up?

I get a lot of emails from clients asking how and where they can do their photoshoots without many people seeing them. Ummm ….

To be fair, it’d probably be my first question too, if I were in their shoes. I’m not exactly known for being a natural badass in front of the lens (there’s a reason I prefer being behind it!).

But, thing is, those people really don’t care about what’s happening in your photoshoot. And why would you concern yourself worrying about what people - you don’t even know - think about you for 30 seconds?

Fear makes no sense, even after you unpick it and challenge it. It’s still there. Being fearless is actually really hard… however you could try this… choose to ‘act as if’ you’re fearless! Yeah, how would that look? How would you show up then? Really think about how you would approach it. And then, just as an experiment, do that.

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+ The Ex-Philes Podcast +

I had the pleasure of being invited onto an episode of the dating podcast, ’The Ex-Philes: Break-ups, Broken Hearts and Moving On’ recently & was interviewed by the two awesome hosts, Clair Lofthouse & Janice Formichella.

Thank you so much to both of you, I really enjoyed connecting & sharing my top dating profile picture expertise with you.

If you are getting over a breakup? I would highly recommend tuning in & subscribing.

Ex-Philes is a weekly podcast all about healing a broken heart, building your confidence, and moving forward in an empowered way.

Their favorite topics include healing from heartbreak, dating, ghosting, no contact, toxic relationships, communication, self-help, attachment styles and more.

Thanks Janice & Clair 🙏🏽

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Dating profiles have the potential to be intriguing; they can be a window into someone’s mind, revealing their unique way of looking at & thinking about the world.

Make sure you grab that opportunity to show people what you’re about & what you’re made of 🔥🔥

And remember, your profile pics are the most powerful way to share a lot of information about you at just a glance.

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlewomen #singlemen #onlinedatingapps #datingphotos #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
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+ Sound on for dating photo tips & good times +

Huge shout out to the legend that is James Preece, the UK dating coach king. Thank you for having me on your show, @jamespreececoach. I had a great time sharing my top dating photo tips with you, which I’m pretty sure you can tell when you listen in.

Have you subscribed to the Love Machine Podcast yet?

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You know what I love doing when I have a few moments to myself? … I love navigating to our Story highlights & scrolling through ‘Our Pics’. It gives me a legal, natural high every time.

The colour, the personalities, the vibes, the diverse life styles, the passions, the people… so much dating photoshoot awesomeness in one hit 🙌🏽✨🤩

onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
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We need to talk about ‘talking point’ pics. Talking point pics are the ones that make people stop and do a double take, go back for another look and, yeah, slide into your messages because they need to know more.

Maybe you’re practicing tai chi, playing a ukulele, creating a stunning art piece on your iPad, doing a headstand yoga pose in the street or wrapping your hands ready for boxing (all shots we’ve taken, that have made me go back for another look 👀 check our Stories today!). Shots like these are so compelling.

Look, 5-6 photos at any one time on your dating app profile is optimum. Too few, people think you’re hiding something, too many & it’s game over as you give them too much to find fault with.

So you’ve got just 5-6 opportunities to
+ make an emotional impact
+ visually tell your story
+ and… also, importantly, intrigue people enough to reach out and ask you something or connect with you about something they see 👀

// Each one of your dating profile photos needs to bring something to the party //

So take a moment to check out your profile pics now. Which one is your ‘talking point’ pic? Answers on a postcard or in the comments, I really want to know…

And a big shout out goes out to the client I’ve been chatting with this week who’s booked Dumbo. You know who you are. You have so many exciting ideas for your shoot, I think you’re going to have a few ‘talking point’ pics to choose from 🙌🏽 And I’m so glad our Insta feed has helped you prep for your shoot. That makes me very happy.

*Tai chi photo: Kate for Hey Saturday, London

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
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New here? Come in, look around, stay awhile. We're creating our own brand of dating photo magic, right here. J'adoring these shots taken in Shoreditch by our London photographer, Nicole.

Photo credit: Nicole for Hey Saturday, London

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
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The only mantra you’ll ever need before your dating photoshoot
+ Be bold, kill boring, do ‘you’, stand out +

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself
#datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #dating app #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #profilephotography #visualstorytelling
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