Dating Apps: From Maddening to Magic

Part One: How to stop using the apps for dopamine hits.

The Internet is abuzz with how so many people are avoiding online dating because they can’t deal with the dating apps. I get it. We’re living in a world where people hide behind their screens, writing awful things to each other.

So my question is:

How can we transform our dating app experiences from maddening to magic?

This is part one of my series of articles exploring this challenge in more detail. I’m going to lay out my tips to uplift your dating apps’ experience into something a bit more joyful and magical.

Shift from Validation to Selection

We need to start by shifting away from using the apps as a way of feeling good about ourselves (we know how well that works!) and start to view it simply as the magical tool it is, that helps us connect more easily with single people.

Fast-Acting “Inner” Dopamine Boosters

Here’s how we start to do this.

Tune into yourself, whenever you reach for the apps. Ask yourself why are you about to open the app. Be honest. Are you going there to try and get a sneaky dopamine high?

How about consciously choosing to avoid opening the apps, when you next want that hit. That way lies madness. It’s really tempting, I know. We all know that dopamine hit feels good, but… remember it is so short-lived. How else might you get that validation?

Dating Apps

The best validation comes from inside. So here’s my simple trick, that always works.

I have created a list of alternative fast-acting inner dopamine hits that when I reach for my phone to get external validation from social media apps. reaching for the dating apps to get that high. Here are some things I love doing for inspiration:

Head out for a walk in nature
Get on my yoga mat and practice even for five minutes
Play my sound bowls and create a mini soundbath
Put on my favourite song of the moment and dance like a loon
Call or message someone who puts a smile on my face
Write in my journal
Do something creative with my hands (draw, play with clay, take a photo, paint)
Sing a song I love at full volume
Create a side quest
Declutter a drawer or cupboard
Plan a mini break or holiday

Honestly I could go on. I hope this helps you create your own list. What are you into? Cold water swimming? Playing the guitar? Boxing? Reading? Pull together your own list and then next time you recognise that you’re actually reaching for the dating apps to try and chase that high for a moment, head to your list instead. When we exchange quick dating app hits for real life joy, creativity, and connection, our brains feel calmer, clearer, and critically, more content.

Only go on the dating apps, when you’re ready to review some profiles or make some connections. Let’s continue exploring together in part two here.