6 mistakes people make when online dating

6 mistakes people make when online dating

If you’ve been following me on here, you know by now that I have a lot of personal experience of online dating. I’m also, ultimately, an online dating success in that I’ve recently celebrated 5 years with my boyfriend who I met on Guardian Soulmates. It was a bit of a journey to get to that point, so I want to share with you the biggest mistakes I made on the way. Once I addressed these issues, it make my journey a lot more enjoyable and successful. I hope this helps you as you create your own online dating journey.

1. taking rejection personally

Rejection is a major part of online dating.  For everyone, not just you or me.  As you put yourself out there, you will find that people reject your moves or you reject theirs. It’s just how online dating works. But you know what? It really isn’t the end of the world.  It happens to everyone and the better able you are to shrug off rejection and move forward, the more enjoyable your experiences will be. Whenever I got rejected – everything from a guy not responding to an email to not wanting to see me again after a date – I’d allow myself a certain amount of time to be upset by it.  For example, for an unanswered email, I would allow myself about 20 minutes of self-pity, then I’d tell myself to get over it and move on.  For rejection after a date, I would allow myself a little longer, maybe up to a day or two but then I’d force myself to move on. It really helped me not take things too seriously. It also made me feel less bad when I rejected people – which I often found just as hard, if not harder.

 

2. emailing for too long without meeting up

When you find you have email chemistry with someone, it’s fun to keep this up for as long as possible. You can believe that you’ve found someone you gel with and it becomes quite easy to imagine a great future with them. But you know what?  People can be, and often are, completely different in real life that they are in email. Limit your emailing to a few times back and forth. Make sure you have enough information to decide whether they are worth meeting up with or not, then go ahead and arrange the meeting. If they are stalling to meet, there is probably a reason for that. You need to know what that reason is.

 

3. going for dinner on a first date

There is little worse that realising in the first five minutes of meeting someone that you don’t want to see them again or spend any more time with them but unfortunately you are just ordering your starters. If you haven’t experienced this yet, trust me it’s pretty painful. My solution to this was to only agree to a quick drink on a first date. I would always pretend I had somewhere else to go after an hour. On the many occasions when the date was actually going well, I’d fess up and tell them and end up staying much longer. The added bonus was that they usually felt pretty good hearing that so the night usually got even better.

 

4. seeing it as a means to an end

If you’re reading this blogpost, the chances are you aren’t enjoying your online dating experience as much as you could. One of the main reasons for this is probably because you just see it as a means to an end – finding someone to love. But as with most things in life, if you make the effort to enjoy what you’re doing, everything suddenly becomes a whole lot easier and more positive. Changing your attitude to online dating is probably the one thing you can do to improve your experiences and improve your luck. Decide today that you’re going to start enjoying the whole experience and that will help you meet more suitable people, shrug off rejection and be happier in yourself. Go fire up that positive attitude and see the difference it makes to your dating experience.

 

5. not taking a break when you feel jaded

It happens to everyone at some point, even those who are enjoying themselves, when you realise you’re really fed up with online dating and need a break. When you start feeling like that, the best thing you can do is to take that break. Give yourself some time off.  Hide your profile and go and throw yourself into something completely different for a month or so. It’ll leave you ready and raring to go again which is how you need to feel if you are going to approach online dating with a positive attitude.

 

6. letting your profile stagnate

Are you still using the same written profile and photos that you started with 18 months ago? Hmmm no wonder you might start to feel a bit jaded. To keep your profile fresh and at the top of the pile on dating sites, make sure you’re changing it up every couple of months. Rewrite your profile – have a bit of fun with it – and try out some different photos. Make sure they are good ones – clean, bright, in focus – and that you look good in them. Without a doubt you’ll see a sudden upsurge in interest. Now go have fun out there and enjoy the journey.

 

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dating app profile

What really matters to you in life? What’s important to you?

Showing up authentically on your dating photoshoot and in your dating life is the biggest gift you can give yourself.

It enables you to meet and connect with people on a deeper level. Imagine - no pretence and no games 🙌🏽

And it all starts with knowing yourself better.

I reckon a good starting place is writing out a list of all the things in life that are important to you.

We encourage our clients to do this ahead of their dating photoshoots.

It helps you get to the heart of what you want out of life, what you want out of your love life.

Knowing ourselves is a life-long process but it’s so good to check in on ourselves often, especially when we’re starting big things like online dating.

And by taking the time to think about it and let us, your photographers know, it helps us more easily create dating profile pictures that represent what you stand for. What you’re about. What makes you unique and special.

On my List of Stuff I Care About, I have:
- being creative
- keep on learning & growing
- love & connection
- being physically active
- helping people
- finding peace in nature

My dating profile pictures might then include me taking photos or painting, reading a self-help book or studying, walking or meditating in nature. I might wear my jumper with the word ‘love’ on it. I might be drinking tea in front of a cafe with friends (who aren’t actually in the pic). When planning your shoot, your list acts as a guide to make sure you’re telling people something meaningful about you.

✨What’s on your list?

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To create a dating profile that is:
- engaging
- impactful
- meaningful
- memorable

...here’s a powerful hack.

You can turn to the power of visual storytelling.

Our brains are actually hardwired for both visuals and stories so it’s a double whammy.

It’s so much easier to connect with likeminded people when you’re engaging their brain in these two ways.

Our brain is hardwired to think in narrative patterns, in fact we like to fill in the gaps ourselves.

By using your dating profile pictures to tell people more about who you are and what it would be like to date you, you’ll more easily be able to build an emotional connection with them.

If you’re unsure where to start, focus on using your profile pictures to tell people what makes you stand out.

Think about what makes you different to others. What makes you special.

Once you’ve nailed this, you’ll be showing people why they should date you over others.

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I’m taking a break from our regularly scheduled programming to celebrate my dad’s 90th birthday 🎉

He taught me the meaning of unconditional love, the importance of searching out an unselfish life partner, the importance of committing to a healthy lifestyle and the importance of living a life of courage - choosing to marry my mum at a time when interracial relationships were still illegal in many places.

I feel incredibly lucky to have such a kind, loving and courageous dad 🎉

Love my dad ❤️

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My favourite kinda email, especially on the weekend.

Huge shout out to Alison for creating yet another super-happy Hey Saturday client. You rule!

These are the things that make my day ✨✨

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When you love & accept yourself, you move different.

It’s sexy & irresistible.

People want to be in your orbit.

And you just know the camera’s gonna love you too.

Loving and accepting yourself is a process, sure. But one worth working on every day.

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I talk a lot on here about the importance of creating visually compelling dating photos. But creating emotionally compelling dating photos is important too.

The ideal dating profile is both visually and emotionally compelling.

But how can you create an emotionally compelling profile?

Well a good starting place is asking yourself this question. How do you want to make them feel when they look at your profile?

Do you want them to feel happy, optimistic, inspired, energetic, calm, playful, entertained, warm, loving, goofy, serious, welcome, awed.. or my personal favourites intrigued & delighted?

Wanna try? Write down a few words that sum up what you want to evoke in them when they look at your profile pictures.

Now you have a starting point from which to build on.

If you've written down words like happy, inspired, playful, warm - then keep these in mind, when creating your profile photos. Lead by example. You'll need to be channelling these emotions in the photos as they're being taken. Choose outfits, backdrops, colours and props that align with the vibe you're aiming to portray.

In your bio, think about the words you're using and how you're using them. Instead of telling people about you in a linear way, try telling a story. A genuine story that makes YOU feel something. Chance are, they will feel it too.

The minute you make someone feel something - something that they want to be feeling, you’ve created a meaningful connection.

And your dating profile, in essence, is a tool to help you build these connections.

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Oh hello! Just heard from LoveConnection.org that we’re at number 5 in the relationship blog charts in the US. 5 out of 100. Hot dang 🏆🔥✨ Feeling that. And a huge Hey Saturday shout out to @laurenpsyk for contributing such quality articles over the years helping make the blog such a success 👏🏽👏🏽

Since I decided to start my days from a place of appreciation these days, I’m definitely much happier for the rest of the day.

What are you appreciating today?

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When it comes to your dating life, what stories are you telling yourself?

All the good ones are already married, so it’s unlikely I’ll meet anyone worthwhile? • I’m too old for this sh*t? • I’m not where I want to be in life, so no one is going to be into me? • Dating is such a chore, I just want it to be over? • I have so much going on at work, I don’t have time to meet anyone?

It’s worth being mindful of the stories you create for yourself around your dating experiences. I know, from my own experiences, that they can hold you back.

In my early days of online dating, I used to tell myself that because I’m a bit of an introvert who’d lived on my own for many years, I couldn’t imagine finding someone I could handle living with. Surely they’d drive me up the wall, just by being in my space... never mind all the change they’d bring into my routine!

After some years of this, I came to realise that this wasn’t helpful thinking. I seemed to be attracting guys who would do just that & feed into my negative bias. And then the more that happens, the more you want to believe your story, of course.

I was repeating this story many times to friends and family and it dawned on me that perhaps I was creating my own negative outcome. The more I spoke this ‘truth’, the more men came along who lived up to it.

I needed to test out a new approach. I decided i needed to change tactics and see if I could attract a better result.

I dropped that story and instead told myself, that when I met someone who was a good fit for me, our lives would mesh together beautifully.

I’ve lived with Giles now for 10 out of the 12 years we’ve been together and our lives mesh together beautifully. I’m pretty certain that I wouldn’t have attracted him into my life with my old, unhelpful narrative holding me back.

What dating narrative are you telling yourself?

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What I love about helping our clients visually share their story in their profile pictures, is that it actively encourages them to step back from their busy lives for a hot moment and look more deeply into their values, their lifestyle, passions and vibe.

If you roll with it, it can become a perfect opportunity for reflection and growth as you take a moment to think about what you’d like your dating app photos and profile to say about you.

It’s a gift in a way.

An opportunity to get closer to figuring out who you are, who you want to be, what you want and, crucially, who you want to be with on this journey. This feels pretty cool to me. It’s not easy and I know there are clients who push back. But it can be the most rewarding thing you can do for yourself and for your love life ✨

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself #datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #onlinedatingfail #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #datingapp #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #datingprofilephotography
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The best dating app profile pics give people an insight into what it would be like to date you and be in a relationship with you.

If dating is the main thing happening in your life, though, you’re probably going to struggle to enjoy the dating process.

It becomes a much more enjoyable experience when you focus on creating a good life for yourself ... whilst making sure to set aside time and space for dating within that.

Plus, as soon as you start throwing yourself into creating a good life for yourself, you’ll find it easier to create eye-catching profile pictures that reflect who you are and what you’re about.

People are drawn to people who are passionate about things and engaged with the world around them, so you’ll notice a much better response to these kinds of profile pics 🙌🏽

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself #datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #onlinedatingfail #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #datingapp #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #datingprofilephotography
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✨ The Unexpected Benefit of Dating During a Pandemic ✨

Online dating is challenging at the best of times... but throw in a highly contagious, deadly virus, confusing government directives & national social distancing mandates & it’s no wonder people have been struggling since the start of the pandemic.

Because of this, over the last year, there have been shifts in how people approach dating... but could they, despite everything, actually be beneficial?

Trust has taken on a whole new significance. People are having to weigh their emotional and physical needs against (life and death) safety concerns.

With this in mind, it’s not a surprise that research is demonstrating that people are craving deeper connections with the people they’re meeting online.

For anyone who is over hook ups and looking for lasting relationships, this is good news.

People are asking themselves questions like ‘is this someone I could handle another lockdown with?’.

Many people are being more intentional about who they spend time with. And lockdown has taken away the noise and craziness of regular life, opening up space to get to know the people we’re dating in a different way. People are focusing on getting to know them emotionally and mentally before connecting physically.

Many are shifting into slow dating, it seems, and research is suggesting this may last long after lockdown has ended.

*this is an excerpt of a blog post I’m writing about the unexpected benefits of dating during a pandemic. I’ll share the link when it’s done, if you’re interested 👀

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself #datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #onlinedatingfail #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #datingapp #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #datingprofilephotography
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I don’t know who needs to hear this but we’re gonna be back in action soon in the UK, doing what we do & love ⚡️⚡️⚡️

Very excited for this.

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself #datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #onlinedatingfail #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #datingapp #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #datingprofilephotography
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Choose profile pics that tell people what it would be like to date you. What it would be like to be in a relationship with you. This will help you attract people who resonate more with your vibe.

Show them who you are, what you love, where you like to hang out, what you love to do.

Showing up authentically in your photos will help secure more and better quality dates 🙌🏽.

#onlinedatingphotographer #singlelady #singlewomen #singlemen #singleandreadytomingle #singleandsearching #singlelifestyle #singleandhappy #modernlove #mindset #loveyourself #datingwithapurpose #datingadvice #datinglife #profilepictures #profilepic #profilepics #profilephoto #onlinedating #datingphototips #onlinedatingfail #happylife #happysingle #relationshipgoals #personalbrandingtips #datingapp #datingapps #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #datingprofilephotography
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