Inspiring Interview – Sarah Jones of Introverted Alpha
Earlier in the year I was living it up on the west coast of the US in San Francisco, so I couldn’t wait to connect with Sarah Jones, a dating expert who is based there. Sarah is one cool entrepreneur and relationship expert, who launched Introverted Alpha a couple of years ago (I’m in LOVE with the name of her company). She helps smart, introverted men attract women naturally. She teaches them how to attract women through their own unique badassery rather than letting them rely on fake, creepy approaches which women dislike. She helps them figure out what’s great about them and helps them turn up the dial on that, encouraging them to build genuine confidence and learn dating skills in a linear, logical way.
Listen in to our recent Skype chat as she shares some of her gems on how to approach women, how to handle rejection like a pro and even how to break up with someone with grace and aplomb.
Who are your typical clients?
My typical clients are guys who are in their late 20’s. They look after their body, they might do yoga for example, they’re good looking but they don’t realise how attractive they are. They have everything else in their lives more or less figured out – career, hobbies etc but they haven’t found success in their love lives. There are lots of guys like this in San Francisco.
Are most of your clients from San Francisco then?
Yes the majority are from San Francisco but I market worldwide so I get a lot from all over the US and about 10% come from outside the US.
What are your clients’ biggest challenges?
Well, all my clients probably think their challenges are unique to them but actually they’re not. Most of my clients are scared of approaching women and, that right there, is their biggest challenge. They are unsure about what to say to them, they know they want to avoid the ‘pick-up thing’ though. Most of them actually want a girlfriend.
Do you help them with online dating as well as offline?
Yes absolutely. I encourage and support them to do both.
Would you be happy to share some of your top tips for guys wanting to approach women?
Yes of course.
1. Know what it is about you that makes you attractive
Know that you’re an amazing guy and access that. I have written an ebook on how to figure out your most attractive qualities and values.
2. Develop a good sense of self
3. Try the following:
a) Make eye contact – especially if you’re nervous. It makes them think you’re not afraid (even if you actually are)
b) Read her – this helps you avoid being creepy.
3) Be genuine in your approach – for example you might say, ‘I noticed you and had to come and say hi’. This is true and it’s very powerful.
4) The more great responses you get from approaching women, the more confident you’ll become. You can keep refining each time so you get better and better at it.
What are the classic pitfalls in dating that they experience?
The hardest thing in dating is handling rejection. Any rejection feels big. It’s the same in business as in dating. I pitch to journalists all the time and most don’t get back to me but I don’t take it personally. It isn’t personal. There are lots of valid reasons why they’re not getting back and it’s not about me personally. And of course I’m fine with that. What I do when I get positive responses is to focus on what’s working. Find out why they responded and learn from that. Always contextualise your rejection. You may not be the right fit for everyone but you will be the right fit for many.
Do you help your clients transition from dating to a relationship?
Absolutely. Their biggest fear is going into the relationship stage too soon. I remind them to chill and ramp things up slowly. Don’t start seeing a date every night or she will read a lot into that. See them a couple of times a week. Text, but not all the time. And enjoy the time in between seeing them. Have the space you need to think clearly about how you feel about them, you’re less likely to get it wrong then.
How do you support them through break ups?
I have actually lived through an awesome break-up so I know a lot about promoting healthy break-ups. When I was living with my ex, we started coaching school and were learning how to really communicate. Before that we had been brushing things under the carpet. We started putting into practice what we were learning which led to us asking, ‘if we were to break up, how would we do it? This conversation made us realise that we were both imagining our lives apart as opposed as together and so both of us got excited as we started planning our next chapter.
My advice to guys who are thinking about breaking up with someone, is to first be honest and decide if you really want to break up with them or not. Get clear on what is actually going on with you. If you do, then find an elegant way of telling them that you can’t stay in the relationship and be the man you want to be.
What is the most important thing your clients need to be aware of?
Being authentic, being you is key. My motto is:
Enjoy the hell out of being you”
Everything comes down to that quote. Enjoy being you. Be present and appreciative. When you’re having fun, you’re going to attract people. Everyone wants to date someone who is fun and having fun.