8 reasons online dating isn’t working for you
Today, my blog has been taken over by the lovely-named Love Mentor, Elizabeth Sullivan. She works with single, busy professional women who have been concentrating on their career and not focusing on their love life. With coaching, they start to make their love life a priority and identify and change any patterns causing them to date the wrong people. Today, she is highlighting the 8 reasons why online dating might not be working for you.
8 reasons online dating isn’t working for you…
Online dating is booming, it’s becoming a more and more popular way to meet a partner and has led to many successful relationships. If it’s not working for you, here’s how you can maximise your chances of being one of those lucky couples…
1. Your profile isn’t appealing
People make instant decisions on whether or not they like the look of your profile, having great photos is really important – they need to be both up to date and flattering. Unless you look exactly the same as that super photo you had taken 5 years ago using them is a bad idea and likely to lead to resentment from dates when they meet you. Remember to complete the profile in its in entirety – when you leave gaps it can look as if you are not taking the process seriously. Share but don’t overdo it, people don’t want to everything about you immediately, it’s good to leave a little mystery so there is something they can be curious about. Be honest, be yourself, don’t say you jog or go to the gym regularly if it something you do twice a year, it will come out when you are getting to know someone…
2. You aren’t coming across as a positive person
One of the most attractive things about someone is their attitude. If you are coming across as negative either in your profile, early interactions or when you meet dates it may be off putting. One of my clients was getting a lot of interest from a dating website but as she interacted with guys the interest would tail off. When I looked at her messages I could see why, some of her messages were a bit negative. She hadn’t realised how she was coming across and once she changed her language, men responded very differently to her. Optimistic language matters a lot, everyone wants to be around happy people.
3. You have very narrow expectations
If you are not being matched with anyone, widen your search criteria, i.e. consider dating someone 10 miles away rather than 5, widen your age range. Be open, will it really matter if she is one inch shorter than your ideal and has brown rather than blonde hair. Be open, explore, go on dates with people you are not your usual type, perhaps the reason you are single is because your ‘type’ isn’t actually right for you.
4. You are not being proactive enough
If you sign up for online dating, it’s important to actually be online and active. Otherwise ‘that’ guy or girl could get in touch and by the time you reply back they have met someone else. Check your chosen website regularly, at a minimum twice a week. If it will help you make an appointment in your diary i.e. Monday and Thursday evenings.
5. You are too keen to meet someone
Often the things we are most attached to have the habit of eluding us. Detachment i.e. doing the right things, taking the steps you need to meet someone– and being open to what happens, let go of the outcome i.e. I would love to meet someone, I have a great life though and if don’t meet someone, I will still enjoy my life. One of my clients took action, she went online dating, she hoped but didn’t expect anything to happen, and on her 8th date she met someone wonderful – a year and a half later they have moved in together and are still really happy.
6. You aren’t in the right place emotionally
If you haven’t moved on from a past relationship or relationships – that will make it hard for you to connect with someone new. You may think you are ready but if you have not done some work on resolving past relationships then that may be coming across – people can usually tell if someone is not ready – even if you don’t make the classic mistakes like talk about your ex all night.
7. You are not giving out the right vibe
Show your playful, warm, light hearted side. Dating works when it’s fun, playful and light-hearted, that’s what makes people want to meet you and have a second date.
8. You are making fundamental dating mistakes
You might be rushing into it or acting too keen. Take it slowly. Timing matters, just because you have their mobile, and it’s 12 o’clock at night and you’re awake, doesn’t mean it’s a good time to text. As John Steinbeck said ‘If it is right, it happens — the main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away’.
