4 ways you know he’s a keeper
I’m just a day away from celebrating six whole years with my boyfriend, as spotted on Guardian Soulmates after some serious online dating, & it still surprises me that I managed to find someone I connected with who I would want to spend my life with. (Urgh even saying that makes me feel a little yuck, sorry for all the soppy). I have always marched to the beat of my own drum & embraced being different (thanks to my mum telling me how cool it was to be different – thanks mum) but that meant I was really starting to wonder if I would find anyone who would fit with my unusual take on the world.
Thanks to the growth of online dating sites and apps for all tastes, interests and desires, it is indeed possible and fairly easy to track down like-minded people. Finding your tribe has never been easier. But once you get out there, you might find you’re inundated with choice. So the question I’m going to tackle today is… “but how do you know that the one you’ve met is a keeper?”
Here are the things that made me realise he was a keeper.
1. Things become uncomplicated
Everything to do with my love life suddenly became simple. By that, I don’t mean boring, heck no, far from boring. I mean that all the self-doubt, questions, and worry that you deal with at the start of a new relationship melted away. There was no game playing, no ‘rules’ to follow. If I wanted to call him, I did. If he texted me, I understood what it meant and didn’t need to involve three different friends to interpret the unspoken meaning. So, if you’re with someone but have to analyse cryptic text messages or make excuses as to why he waits seven days between texts, I’m going to throw this out there and say, he’s not a keeper. He’s good for fun, don’t get me wrong but if you’re looking for your forever guy, chances are, this isn’t him.
2. You are 100% completely comfortable being yourself, even from the get go
From our very first date, I always felt completely myself with the bf. When I met him, I’d just come out of a three-month relationship with a lovely guy but it went wrong because I just couldn’t totally relax and be myself. I have no idea why. He definitely triggered something in me that made me feel like I wanted to keep my guard up somewhat. I have no idea why this happened as I actually really liked him and we had lots in common. When I finally met the bf, shortly after I’d split up with this guy, it was like I could breathe again and be me. And that feeling has stayed with me ever since.
There is nothing more freeing than knowing someone loves you 100% when you are being you 100%.
3. You want to put them first (in a healthy way)
Until I’d met the bf I’d pretty much lived on my own and was used to looking after number one. I also had lots of close friends who I tended to prioritise over my series of boyfriends. I remember my mum nagging that I should prioritise my boyfriend over my friends and me wondering why on earth I would do that. When I met the keeper, I noticed a shift in my priorities and I did indeed want to put him first. I didn’t need to force it, it just happened.
4. You feel the same for them as they feel for you
I think one of the biggest challenges when you’re looking for love is finding someone who loves you the same as you love them. If the levels of love are unequal, then you know it, there’s a horrible power imbalance in the relationship & it doesn’t feel great. When you love each other the same amount, it feels amazing and it usually means they’re a keeper.